The Story:
The forward, explicit nature of maternity ward nurses was a shock to
me, and the ease in which my partner accepted it even more so. I wondered
whether she was truly nervous and not showing it, whether she had mentally
prepared herself for this during the pregnancy, or whether there was a hormone
released in a new mother that makes casual nudity with strangers acceptable. She
acted as if it was the most natural thing in the worlds that every few hours a
stranger would walk into our room, ask my partner to reveal her breasts and
woman-handle them until they were satisfied. My disbelief was very quickly overtaken by joy as I began to see the
benefit of everyone in the room acting as if two quite lovely women caressing
my partners’ breasts at once was perfectly acceptable. After all, the depraved
part of my brain reasoned, isn’t women attending to my newborn child’s only
food supply just a step away from a threesome? A sinful grin crept into my face
the first few times this obviously erotic ritual transpired; the action played
out in front of me in slow motion, the midwife locked eyes with my fiancé,
Marvin Gaye crooned softly, and the lights dimmed low. Nevermind the mechanical
way these nurses were squeezing as if milking a cow, nevermind the wince my
partner made every second, nevermind the wailing baby in my arms crying because
she somehow knew her supper was being prepared nearby – this was SEXY.
That fantasy quickly drained away sometime during the process of a
tired, middle aged midwife swatting my partner’s hands away, forcibly grabbing her
breasts, rearranging them into a shape they had never been before and squeezing
them harshly until a strange yellow liquid seeped from them. The fact the
midwife cheered as if she had won a hand at poker didn’t help. She triumphantly
held up the liquid she had sucked into a syringe as if it was the heart of a
dragon she had just vanquished. Also not
helping: the way she cut off every damn question my partner had about
breastfeeding with a patronizing demand for her to do something she had never
done before in her life. “No no, make the nipple pointy whilst moving your
babies’ head so the nostril is touching the top of the nipple. No you also need
to push your breast from behind.” I’ll admit that last part puzzled me. How can
she push from behind her breast? The midwife seemed unaware that whilst her
entire working life was made up of women manipulating what used to simply be
fashionable top fillers into cow udders, to the women she was assisting the
entire process was confusing, painful and depressing. If this is what a threesome
would be like I decided monogamy was for me.
The Lesson:
The first few days in the hospital contain experiences that you will
both never experience ever again. Depending on your personality, your religion,
your upbringing, or any phobias you possess they may be extremely confronting
or shocking. The nudity part to me was very surprising but I never felt
completely uneasy as to what I should be doing (the answer was keep my trap
shut). What was shocking was when a midwife lifted up my partner’s legs to find
her laying in what must have been at least a litre of blood. “Oh dear” was the
midwife’s response to that. Oh dear…. The point is you really need to learn to
roll with the punches, communicate with and help your partner, trust that the
hospital staff know what hell they are doing.
This had me cracking up.. lol.. I just went thru my first birth and what a strange experience it is!! It pushes you so far out of your box.. pun intended :)
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