Pre-baby Body

I came home from work one day to find my partner in our bedroom with piles of clothes strewn across the floor. As I walked into the room I was nearly decapitated by a flying black and white polka dot cardigan. I peered into the walk in robe and saw my partner furiously sorting through her clothes.

“What are you doing sweetheart?” I asked nervously.

“I’m throwing out anything I can’t fit into anymore.” My partner replied in a tone which suggested ‘question my methods at your own peril’. I decided on a different approach.

“Uh, are you sure you want to do that?” I asked her in what I hoped was a delicate manner.

“Yes” she replied, so curtly that I should have realised the mess I had waded into.

“But what are you going to wear when you return to your normal weight?” I asked. She didn’t reply and instead refocused on what she was doing.

Looking back on it now my partner would have been well within her rights to pick up a shoe and lob it at my head but all I had to contend with was pair of black knickers flying past me. At the time I figured I should shut up and let her be. If she was that determined then there was no changing her mind anyway. I hadn’t realised the hurt I had caused her until later that day when my partner spoke up during dinner.

“You’re assuming I’ll be able to return to the weight I was and that might not even be possible”

For a moment I simply looked at her confused, wondering what was she was talking about until I heard myself saying the words ‘your normal weight’. At that moment I hated myself. I had a sudden flash of images – my partner trying to fit into her favourite jumper and crying when it was too tight, the slightly bitter look in her face when she was showing me photos of the holiday she took when she was in her early twenties and super skinny, her looking for wedding dresses online and complaining that all of them would be unflattering on her, her crying when she first got stretch marks, and finally, the hurt expression she had on her face when I talked about her ‘normal weight’.

She had put her body through incredible stress and transformation to provide us both with a child. Her body, her thighs that she had an emotional tumultuous relationship with, her flat stomach she rarely admitted was flat and smooth. Her body that caused her aches, cramps, bloating and discomfort. Her body that, despite all the energy used to deny it, she couldn't help but compare to friends, co workers and celebrities.To provide us both with our beautiful daughter she had put her body through hell and yet I saw it fit to inform her I was expecting her body to bounce back to exactly as it was before the pregnancy.

I held her tight and apologised profusely. I reassured her that I loved her and that she was and is the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on and all I wanted was for her to be healthy and happy, in whatever form that takes.

Forget weight, forget clothes, forget appearance. Health and happiness is the way forward. Health and happiness